Buffalohair THE CAPER

Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 4:50 pm Post subject:
THE CAPER

After the third armored car robbery in less then 3 days the F.B.I. issued an alert based on videos and photos taken at the last heist. Apparently there were two vehicles that perpetrated the robbery on the Wells Fargo Armored Car. The first vehicle was a single seat “Rascal or Scooter”. It was driven by what appeared to be an 80 year old woman with purple hair. The second vehicle was a 1981 Skylark with 5 elderly women inside. It was believed Eglantine Scot, 86, of Quartzite Arizona was the driver.

According to the F.B.I. during a normal pick up at Harvey’s Casino in Lake Tahoe one Sunday morning an elderly woman lost control of her mechanized chair and crashed into the armored car as it was pulling away from the casino. In what witnesses said we just a few milliseconds there was a massive explosion that totally vaporized the front of the armored car, kaput, nada, finito la musica.

One eye witness told police of seeing an elderly “old bird” making quick use of her walker just before the explosion. An unnamed F.B.I. official was quoted as saying this had the tell tale sign of Ann the Hammer and her geriatric gangsters were on the move once again. With the mere mention of Ann “The Hammer” the press corps was silent as they remembered the horrific death of colleague not a week earlier. He tried to flag Ann down on that fateful day when Ann rounded the turn near the Wendy’s. They say Ann looked that newsman right in the eye and ran him down with her Scooter before he knew what hit him. They say he was dead before his head hit the pavement.

Apparently, the motorized chair Ann was driving was nothing more than 300 pounds of self propelled destruction fore it was packed with explosives. Ann drove up to the armored car loosing control of her Scooter and smashing into the grill of the truck. She was actually affixing the shape charge to the front of the armored car in the fake collision. After securing the chair charge to the front of the truck, she hoped on her walker and made her bid for safety.

Eglantine and “the girls” were already in position and when the armored car exploded, Ann was safe behind the Skylark. Grabbing Ann’s walker, Alice positioned herself and Ann as the car headed towards the smoke filled scene. Rocks were still falling from the powerful blast but you could see the outline of the armored car. Then with precision timing, Alice and Ann jumped from the moving car and ran into the lifeless hull of the truck.

Witnesses also said the “the girls’ then jumped out of the car forming a human chain and unloaded the armored truck in a matter of moments. Someone hollered, “Look at them grannies go!!” during the robbery. But no one dared approach them though. “Mayhem” Mildred had the Mac 10 and was more than happy to use it if anyone stepped out of line. With a heart of stone Mildred was cold and calculating. She could kill with no conscious and everyone knew it.

When authorities finally arrived the geriatric gangsters were long gone. Only the empty carcass of the armored car remained. It was rumored the police were slow to respond to the call for fear of being gunned down. They knew the grannies had nothing left to loose. Without their SSI most of them had nothing. They were forced into a life of crime or starve to death.

Ever since the cancellation of Social Security and Medicare, senior citizens have taken arms and have left society. The streets of America have become unsafe as roving bands of angry seniors roamed the byways of corporate America. Across the country and in Canada, gun fights between seniors and police are more common than ever before. Statistically 8 out of 10 shootings are between seniors and authorities and 9 out of 10 seniors own hand guns. Some seniors have been known to take liquor, pain medication and even engage in sex! Oh the humanity.

Concerned for public safety, Homeland Security officials have outlawed the harboring of senior citizens within the city limits, near air ports and other forms of public transportation. In West Hollywood the mayor wants all elderly “put to sleep” and proposed a maximum life expectancy to keep the number of elderly under control.

Buffalohair
_________________
Creativity is the byproduct of a fertile mind

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